Another Angel Gone…

I just found out that another one of my earthly angels left me this past Monday.  Donna, you came to me truly out of nowhere and gave me all you had and more.  It is so hard to say goodbye.  Something must be rumbling above that God needs the help of such special people.

To your family Donna, to your friends I want them to remember you for who you were and not how you left. 

Sweet, soft spoken but strong, so strong that you fought this battle for so many years so very brave.

“I can still feel your arms around me, just a bit over a year ago consoling me on my misfortune and in the midst of it all, you made me laugh… what was it ‘the Young and the Restless???’, yup my friend I will miss you.

Do you have my key?  Probably not, no matter, we can pretend with invisible keys to each of our hearts and our souls.  “

If you are reading this, please don’t be sad that she is gone; be sad that you did not have a chance to meet her. 

May God Bless you and give strength to your love one,

ME

PS. “F” CANCER

Seesaw!!!

Sorry my friends for not writing in a while, it sure has been a busy and interesting week.  Some good and some definitely not so good…

I will start with the not so good as it is important that we finish on a positive note so that you want to read more.

This past Monday my dear Mother was diagnosed with Lung Cancer, the same kind that I have.  Hers seems to be in an early stage and hopefully she will see the oncologist this week and learn more about options.  Have you met my mother?  She is a bit older, full of life and funny, unlike her daughters, she is not confrontational and very much like me (or me like her) loves to party and entertain.  This adventure for her will be very different than mine and I will keep you posted on available options and her logic and decision when it all comes about.  For now, Mom does not plan on going through invasive treatment and hopes not to change her life style too much.  Mom will take prayers, good thoughts and positive thinking but Mom is not the kind that wants for people to feel sorry for her or be the center of attention unless she is jumping in the pool with her clothes on, but that is a story for another day.

Mom we love you, you are the best…

On a not so good not so bad I will ask that you continue to remember my son Michael. He is trying very hard to keep his head up but as time goes by he is having a difficult time dealing with his situation. 

On a better note, my dear friend Connie is here for a visit.  Her story in itself is very entertaining but she has not started a blog so for now, let me tell you that she spent the past few years in an adventure with her mother who recently died of cancer (lung) and now she is traveling around the US visiting and enjoying life.  Unfortunately there isn’t much to do in Norman, OK proper and with me and my chemo can’t even go out with her but she will survive and have fun because that is who she is.  So far Connie has done pool at moms, Louie’s, Docs with me, Dustbowl festival and today she will do the National Weather Center tour.

And last but not least the best news ever about Maggie…  Doctor checkup was fantastic so in less than two weeks, our ‘Reina’ is almost like nothing ever happened.  I will tell you that now that the blood from the heart is not affecting her lung, my goodness, she can really be load and get your attention.  I know, I know, I know you will say that she is so sweet and look at the smile and happy face but let me tell you, she can now make herself heard.

Finally latest on me, as you know I am in this ‘medical + alternative’ regiment.  Up to now I was taking loads of vitamins, Essiac Tea and the Aloe+Honey.  This past weekend I added Curcumin, Chlorella and Spirulina based on my own independent research but here is my lesson learned… powder spirulina smells and taste like algae so if you want it, pay the extra money and get pills, I decided after trashing my powder that I did not really need to have spirulina.  One concern I have is that I am doing all this on my own, all the stuff I am taking is based on people’s advice and Google.  I will contact a naturalist soon to make sure that I am not wasting money on random medication or about to poke a hole in my intestines…  Will keep you posted as there is more to come.

Love y’all and have a nice week…  Gosh, September is almost here, then Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas and then ANOTHER YEAR…

I LOVE THE SOUND OF THAT

ME

Shattered Dreams

Have you ever had a dream that would never come true?  Not the kind that you have when you go to sleep but the kind that you have as you grow up?  Did you have a dream that did come true?

We were hoping to get together with some friends while in Dallas but at the last minute her daughter called her with a problem ‘Her long life dream was just shattered’.  As a Mom I understand my friends pain, my Michelle too had shattered dreams and when possible all I could do was hug her.  After a few years, Michelle realized that her shattered dreams was the best that could have happened to her, especially as she sang ‘God Bless the Broken Road that lead me straight to you’ as she walked down the aisle to marry Kevin.

I too remember my shattered dreams, one in particular which I will share in hopes that it helps all the teenagers and young adults out there with broken dreams.

I come from a family of 7 girls; I am in the middle (number 4).  My sisters are all unique and similar in many ways and they are very smart, their goal was to go to college, I on the other hand wanted to grow up, get married and have kids. When I was seventeen I met a wonderful boy, he loved me and took good care of me.  It did not take long before his family treated me like one of their own.  We were always together, always.  A couple of years later I found out that I had endometriosis and that there was a very good probability of never having children of my own.  Believe me when I tell you that I thought my life ended.  How could this be?  I became a very negative person, nothing made me happy, nothing was good; I even started getting jealous every time he would talk or dance with another girl, the echo in my head said ‘she can give him kids and I can’t’.  You can imagine that it was not too long after my personality change that my friend decided to break off the relationship.  Now I really thought I was going to die.  Life as I knew it was not worth living for…  Oh my, even writing this after so many years gives me the chills.

God had given me good friends, true angels on earth who constantly called and picked me up to get out.  Honestly, it took over a year before accepting my situation and going out on dates.

To make this short story endless as Wish would say, I ended up in Oklahoma.  Met Pat, went through an experimental treatment for endometriosis, got married and have two of the most amazing kids… and now a granddaughter.

Yesterday was our 30^th wedding anniversary and looking back, I thank God for my shattered dreams, for the broken road.  Now this is not to say that when it is your problem and you are in the midst of it, this message means nothing, but if you could for one moment STOP, BREATH, and KNOW that you are special and that this experience will lead you to a better outcome.

Remember as I wrote once before,

…if it is really how you want to feel ‘like miserable’ than give yourself 5 minutes and be done because as much as I love you, feeling miserable is not the way to be, take my word for it.

And

My Dad use to say, “There are two types of problems, the ones that you can fix so go do it and the ones that are out-of-your-control so learn to live with them”

Lord, grant my friend, her daughter and all the people who have shattered dreams a moment of peace, and another and another until this dream fades away and it is replaced with a much better dream.

Love y’all,

ME

Maggie the Great

I am so sorry for those of you who are not on facebook and were not able to get updates on Maggie’s surgery and progress.  I had no computer access and the little phone was more than I could handle to type up a short story long.

All in all Maggie has done great.  At first, during surgery all the possible complications big or small did not happen so we were very happy.  By day two and then three there were a few setbacks but none life threatening.  She was faced with a bit of high blood pressure, and a bit of high sugar, and the big ones were not eating enough, throwing up and not pooping every day.  She has overcome most of them and we are praying and hoping that she is dismissed to the Ronald McDonald House tomorrow so she can come home as early as Wednesday… 

Talking about prayer, let me tell you, I know that there was an army of family, friends and more praying for her and sending loads of positive energy, Maggie did great, her parents (Michelle and Kevin) and us the grandparents all felt it.  During the past few days we have all been calmed, hopeful and even joyful.  Of course the best was when she started smiling again, that amazing smile that is so contagious.  God has blessed us with a wonderful miracle.

If you want to see lots of pictures and more detail on Maggie’s progress, please feel free to go to Michelle’s blog

http://leachlove.blogspot.com/

Nothing new on Michael’s situation, I thank his friends for the support they give him via facebook; if you are his friend; feel free to send him messages as he is able to read them.

And then updates on me, nothing to tell you, the new port as well as the old hole are healing just fine so I do hope to get chemo this Thursday since it will be 6 weeks since the last one.  Thank God that I am doing all this other alternative stuff to keep the cancer away.  I will have to say that I am getting tired a lot easier than before… and do not tell me is age because I can’t stop from getting older and not having energy to do all the things that you want sucks…  Soon, one day soon, after miracle number 2 (Michael) we will get miracle number 3 (me) and life will be wonderful…  it is good now, but I want the best, I want a wonderful life for all.

Love y’all
ME

Magnolia Love (Miss Maggie)

So glad this week is behind us as it was a very hard week for many, now we need to look at the coming week and see what we can do to make it much easier. 

Prayers, positive energy, positive thinking, anything positive will be greatly appreciated and all in the direction of Maggie.

Maggie (Michelle’s daughter, my granddaughter) was born Feb. 27^th with a hole in her heart.  This coming Wednesday she is scheduled for Open Heart surgery at the Dallas Children Hospital and although we do not anticipate any problems or complications, we would love it if you could send us ‘good vibes’ as all are welcomed.

Are Michelle and Kevin nervous?  I am sure.  Have you met Michelle and/or Kevin?  They both radiate ‘Faith’, they go to a church that all members are really close, they help each other in so many ways.  Nervous or not, they have hope and believe that God will guide them and all will be better for Maggie soon.

Am I nervous?  YES.  But I look at this as the beginning of a new and wonderful life ahead for Maggie.  She is such a happy baby, always with a smile that lights up the room, we can’t wait to see her gain weight and grow into a beautiful, healthy baby girl.  We have loads of hopes with this surgery and believe in our hearts that hers will heal.

So please join us in prayer, well wishing, positive thinking and even Buddha belly rubbing (thanks Janet) for the coming days so that all goes well for Maggie, her parents and even us the grandparents. 

Love y’all,

ME

On a side note, I want to say thank you, truly thank you from the bottom of my heart to all who read my blog.  Thanks to all of you who write me back or call me, the interaction and communication means a lot to me.  Please forgive me if I do not respond to all, but know that I do appreciate it…  The truth is that I now have one of those fancy phones where you can read your e-mails and stuff but I have not mastered the art of keying in such tiny little squares, so I get frustrated and just do not respond but it is not a reflection on the happiness your message gave me.  Keep them coming.

Again…  all my love…  ME

Rest in Peace

There are no words to express the pain I feel since I heard that God has taken my friend Eileen Pacanins. Did you know her? I guarantee that if you had the pleasure of meeting her, you would never forget her. On one of my first blogs I wrote:

Have you ever thought that you're unique? Special? Angel?

I now realize that these words describe Eileen perfectly. My dear friend had a heart attack and went to the heaven yesterday.

I am of the opinion that our time is up when we have finished our mission in this world. That is why it makes it difficult for me to understand that Eileen has gone so soon because for me she was an Angel, and reading the comments on facebook I realize that she not only looked after me and sent me inspirational messages but also many other friends. Her children still need her, her family, cousins, Bea, Gisela and us Sacred Heart classmates... It is obvious that God has a very special project that only she can do, is the only explanation I can find. This is my prayer for you: 

Dear God, today you have in your arms our friend Eileen

Give her the blessing to be our Angel in heaven

She will need very large wings to wrap us all

Give her the grace to continue caring and protecting her children,

And us her friends that love her much.

Lord, we are going to miss Eileen

Please give us the serenity of knowing that she will always be with us

I ask this in the name of your son Jesus and your mother Mary

Brighten the road of all the people that she touched

With her smile, her heart and her love.

Amen 

Here today and tomorrow?... who knows, hug your children, your parents, your family, give kisses and tell them you love them frequently. Stay in touch with your friends and let them know how important they are to you.

God bless you

ME

Recharged

So I am not mad anymore, still not happy about the date and how it all went down but will make it work as I usually do.  What amazed me the most is how some people made encouraging or funny comments but how many either sent me a private message or called me, and some were people I have not spoken to in forever.  So this past week I got a card from Lisa Shelly (thanks), I was contacted by Ana Maria McQuattie Baiz a family friend of over 40 years and she is sending me some books.  I got a call from Jenn Romero-Pieron, Lynne Poppe and Sandra (Irish) all three of which I talk to about once a month, Katy Wakeham offering her house and any help from Dallas, Connie Martin who is coming to see us in two weeks, …  but now get this, I got a call from David Kelley who I have not spoken to in a couple of years and have not seen in five years and even get this… a call from Clementina Cortes my dear friend from my neighborhood in Caracas who I have not seen in over 20 years.

To all of you and those that write, thanks from the bottom of my heart because it does bring me loads of happiness.

Now let me tell you what I am doing to stay busy and keep my sanity, I am crocheting again and Michelle comes up with a different project each day.  This week I have made 3 pairs of baby slippers, one baby hat and a Christmas stocking that I am going to redo as I do not like it.  Do you crochet?  Or paint, sew or anything artistic? I would have asked mindless but drinking beer or any alcohol is mindless.  Maybe you run, exercise or do yoga? The point I want to make is that it is good for you to get away from your problems, to refresh your mind so that you can see things with better clarity and be strong to tackle the day. I have mentioned before that I am big on prayer, these days I spend a minimum of one hour a day praying, but if I let my mind wander, I feel guilty as this is my time to communicate with God.  So crocheting allows me to wander away and in the end, Maggie gets something new.

Every person needs to get recharged, so what are you waiting for?  Get away from your work, do something for you, away from your children, partner, pet, anything and everything that you are responsible for, get away for a bit and get refreshed, recharged…  You can thank me later.

Love y’all,

ME

Let me be mad

I know that I wrote once about not worth getting upset, and cancer loves misery and…  whatEVER please let me vent and there is no need to respond or comment, by the time I am done writing this, I should be okay.

So the best layout plan can come crumbling down right in front of you and there is nothing you can do about it.  The plan was that I would have chemo today and in two weeks when my defenses were up, I would be in great shape to go to Dallas and be with Michelle and Kevin when Maggie had her open heart surgery (August 17^th).  That was the plan.  The plan also was that by this Monday I would be okay for Pat to go on out to California and be with Michael during his hearing.  That was the plan.  The plan was that Pat and I were going to Key West for Fantasy Fest at the end of October (paradise).  That was the plan.  The plan was that the days and stars were aligned in such a way that I would be able to finish the reconstruction the first week in November.  That was the plan.

Then today, when I go for my chemo, they tell me that because my port incision has not closed, they (doctor and nurse) are concern for infection and that they will delay the chemo by one week.

What is the difference between today and three weeks ago when the port was put in the day before chemo?  That incision was wide open then!!!  Rrrgggg.  And please spare me the comments that they are doing this for my own good.  Do you know that I really don’t give a hoot about it?  That my son and granddaughter are more important than myself?  Rrrrgggg. 

Guess what, I don’t care, Pat will still go out to California as planned and I will still go out to Texas as planned and I will have chemo next week and do just FINE.  You hear me?  Good.

So there you have it, I am not always that nice little old lady that thinks all is wonderful…  I make it work so that is what I will do this time, make it work. 

Love y’all and thanks to those that sent me positive thoughts today, sorry it didn’t happen,

ME 

P.S. No comments needed but for those that have tried to place comments and lost them, know that right between the Post a comment box and the ‘post comment’ button there is a selection box that says ‘comment as’ and you need to either select a login or select anonymous before posting the comment…  Hope this helps and have a nice day.