Reality

Hi there, how is everyone today?  I hope that everyone is doing great on this beautiful spring day.  So, the reality of it all…

When I first was diagnosed with Lung Cancer a couple of years ago, the statistics were only 20% make it beyond the 5 year mark.  I of course believed that I was in that percentage.  After chemo, surgery and radiation we found out that my cancer had mutated and had spread to several places.

Bummer, now the statistics were 6 month to 18 month of life and all depends if I respond to treatment.  This is when I took matters into my own hands and started all the home remedies that everyone and anyone had been telling me about plus medical treatment but needless to say, I did not respond and my cancer grew.  Now I really was in the 6 months left.

I took more drastic measures and headed down to MDAnderson and went through a clinical trial, these pills knock me down to my knees and I was willing to continue to some extent but the burning and itching was a bit much.  I did noticed in the past few days that I had some lumps popping up around my neck, chest, underarm and leg so I kind of knew in my heart that things were not going my way but it still hurts when you hear it from the doctor.  The cancer has really spread, the treatment is not working and there is even a possibility that some of the tumors are breast cancer as well.  Now what…  Well, there plan B is for me to go back to my oncologist here in Norman and go back to chemotherapy of a couple of drugs that I have already had and did not work in the hopes that it keeps the cancer at bay.

This is what my head tells me that she said (in a very sweet voice) nothing we can do go back home.  Anyway, I feel like a pingpong ball so here I am.  My appointment is this coming Thursday and we will see what they have to say.

Reality, sometimes is looking straight at you and you close your eyes not to see it.  I will continue to close my eyes and wait for that miracle that we are praying for but if case God is saying ‘NO, not this time’, I will start getting all my affairs together, we will try to travel and see as many friends as possible before the time comes.

Thank you all for your prayers and support, I do feel them.  I do not respond to them most of the time but I do appreciate them.  My family is the greatest and you are all awesome friends.

Love Y’all,

ME

A day in my shoes

What is it like on a good day? Well, if I slept at least 4 hours then I will be up around 8:00 or so, feed Cosmo, take my pills with a glass of orange juice and if possible eat a piece of toast or a bowl of cereal.  In this kind of days, I should have enough energy and spirit to go into the office and check in my computer, write e-mails, facebook and even some research. 

Once rested and around 10:00, I would then take a shower and if enough energy put on cream all over my body to protect the burned skin…  sometimes I have to lay down between shower and getting dress because I am coughing too much or too tired to keep going.

Usually by 11:00 I am ready to get into my big chair and after I am finished with my prayers I basically stay here until it is time to go to bed.  I will get up here and there but not much as I have used up most of the daily energy and sometimes the bottom of my feet are so burned that it hurts to walk.  Now some days, if I am doing really well, I get to cook dinner or at least get things going, do laundry or dust and clean a shelf or bathroom… those are the really good days.  I look forward to having good days because I feel like I have done something productive.

The not so good days are similar except that after taking my morning pills, I would rest before the shower and then rest before putting the cream on and then go to my chair for the rest of the day.

And then the really good for nothing days, I will get up to take my pills and then go back to bed until about 4:30 and then get up to try to eat something.

But once in a while I can go out, last week we went to visit some Venezuelan friends (the Pradas’) for about an hour and a couple of days ago we went to Louie’s for dinner… Days like those are golden.

I will be going to Houston this weekend for test and to see the doctor, we will see if the trial is working, at least keeping the cancer from growing and decide if it makes sense to continue the trial or go to plan B.  As you know I was pulled off the trial until my skin recovered from the chemical burn caused by the drugs.  I re-started a week and a half ago with reduce dosage on one of the drugs and unfortunately I have noticed that my hands, face and feet are starting to show the burn symptoms again, so maybe this trial is not for me after all.  I will let you know the answer next week.

For those that are following Michaels’ events, the hearing became another postponement as the family of the diseased girl was not able to attend, but a few things did take place that were not so good and we need loads of prayers.  The family presented an impact statement that was definitely against Michael, the judge removed himself from the case (long story) and the probation report although good, can’t recommend probation when there is a fatality so all and all it was not a good day. Tomorrow Friday, Michael goes back to court to get a new judge and date assigned to the case… This is a nightmare.

My dear son, Michael says he ‘Can’t give up yet’, well neither will I…

Love y’all,

ME

I love visitors

I have not been able to go anywhere except for doctors since New Year’s Eve and of course my Mom’s funeral.  So my joy is when I get visitors, even if it is only for a few minutes.

Our dear friends Charlie and Linda stop by as a surprise again and stayed with us one night, short but I’ll take it.  My dear friend Lynne Poppe, who I have not seen in a long time, came to stay with us a few days, I was too sick to really enjoy the company but was glad she was here to keep Pat company.  My sister Betina got tired of me turning down dates to meet for lunch that her and Ricky decided to buy lunch and bring it over, now that was clever.

The other day Gayle and Vel Dimery came for an hour or so and brought us some movies to see and vanilla shake, nice… very nice.  Earlier in the year Katy Wakeham and Rhonda Lundberg came for one night and it was like girls sleep over since the guys were out in California.  Just a few days ago Katy, Dirk and Connor stopped by for dinner as they were doing the college tour, it was nice to have a relaxing evening.  Oops almost forgot to mention that my sisters Leslie and Delia came to visit on their way to Colorado and they stayed and extra day just to spend it with me.  Plus my dear local friends Diana and Maureen who came to visit and we just had some nice conversation.  Life is good.

And of course Michelle brings Maggie over 2 or 3 times a week which makes me so very happy and my dear sister Ligia comes over for a bit every day.

So you see, I love visitors since I can’t go to you, please come to me, and if you can’t then go visit someone that is sick and bored and tell them I sent you.

This week is a big week in court for Michael because is when the judge makes a decision on the charges and of course I want them to agree that this was a terrible accident but not a felony so loads of prayers and good vibes are needed… and if you are in southern California on Friday morning and do not have much to do, they could use your presence in court for moral support.

Love y’all,

Me

It has been a while

Sorry but I have not been feeling well lately and this is the first time in over a week that I have made it into the office and seating by the computer.

The good news is that my dear friend Lynne Poppe just came to visit for about 5 days and it was a joy to see her after so long.

The sad news is that I have been pulled off the trial again as the chemical has created an internal burn that is surfacing through my skin.  I am burned and peeling from every inch of my body and I mean my lips, ears, palm of my hands, bottom of my feet, my rear end and all.  The yogurt baths helped but were not able to keep up with the fire so now I am off the meds and putting on cream all over so we will see what the end result will be.  What I can say right now is that this is terrible, not only it hurts every time I move and my skin touches a surface but it takes almost an hour to wash off the peeling and put on the cream, and that is about all the energy I have on a daily basis.

But not wanting to just share bad news and end in a sad note, Michelle gave Maggie her First Birthday party here on Sunday, February 26^th and it was fantastic.  She did all the decorations, and gifts and oh it was just beautiful and every baby and there were lots, behaved and all had loads of fun.  So my miracle grandbaby is now ONE year old. 

Love y’all,

ME