THIS TREATMENT IS KICKING MY BUTT

THIS TREATMENT IS KICKING MY BUTT

So I have not written in a while and I apologize but this treatment is kicking my butt.  And there is a lot going on around here.

My mother, who was diagnosed with lung cancer around October, came down with pneumonia right before Christmas and spent a few days in the hospital.  The main cause is the location of the tumor.  Crazy right?  She has one little tumor and it is located in the airwave to the middle lobe of the right lung.  So my dear mother who is usually strong in personality, who was doing aerobics 3 times a week at the senior citizen center, my Mom who loves a party and a get together is now seating on her chair, with oxygen, unable to care for herself…  crazy right?  And it all happened so fast, cancer really sucks.

I was moving right along with the cancer trial treatment when my face erupted in hives, not the ones that itch but the ones that burn, within two days my face looked like I had stuck it in an ant hill and it really hurt.  Now I have them all over my body and some itch and some hurt, I have one cream for the ones that hurt and one cream for the ones that itch and of course there is always Benadryl.  If this was the only problem I would suck it up but no, my cough which never really went away is back up to full swing so there is cough, cough, breath, cough, cough… again not the only two problems, when I went for my last checkup the blood test showed that my liver enzymes were five times higher than normal so they to pulled me off the trial for one week and then I will have a retest, if all goes well then I will restart the trial but with a lesser dosage.  In the meantime, I sleep, yup that is all I do all day because I do not have energy to do anything else.  I might get a load of laundry here and there but not more than one small chore a day.  And then of course there is also that visit to the emergency room because my temperature was 101.5.  Bottom line, I am falling apart and I do not have the energy to stop it from happening.  God better pull a good one while I still have pieces of myself to pick up and make better.

Please know that I am not giving up although at times I feel like I should, but that it is important for you to know that with cancer, there are weaker moments that really suck and although many of you view me as this very strong person, I am not.  What keeps me going is my family, wanting for Michael’s ordeal to be over with a positive outcome, and all the friends that are counting on me.

On a side note, I wanted to tell you that because we pray and ask God for things is not a guarantee that we will get them.  It also does not mean that he is not listening, sometimes the answer is NO.  Right before Christmas I went to Michelle’s church to listen to a special guest speaker named Alan Vincent (fascinating man), during the ceremony the pastor’s wife asked if she could pray over me and I said yes.  It was a loving prayer and it gave me a sense of comfort.  After the ceremony, Michelle and I along with the pastor’s wife and several other church members approached Alan and ask that he and his wife Eileen pray for me and they did, again I had a feeling of peace.  A few days later, I received a prayer cloth that I was to wear by my adrenal gland for three days.  I truly believed in my heart that I would get another miracle, that this would clear me of cancer.  Sadly it did not but I do not believe that the answer from God is NO; I think that the answer is ‘LATER’.

So with that I say goodbye today and will write again LATER, and don’t forget to exercise like David Haas wrote in the previous post.

Love y’all,

ME