Resting in Peace

It is with a heavy heart that I share my mom met Jesus this morning. Our last real conversation with her was Tuesday and she was resting until she died. Please forgive us if we missed personally telling anyone. Thank you for all the support and love we've received from you these last days, weeks, months and years.

5/8 - 5/10

5/8- Was my Dad's birthday.  We got to celebrate him at night with pizza, salad and key lime pie.  Tuesday my mom was pretty out of it.  We weren't really sure if it was the medicine she had taken, or just her body declining, but Tuesday was a hard day.

The hospice nurse came and explained that we are transition from a bus to a bike.  What she meant was, for the last 3 years, we've been on a bus barreling towards remission and trying everything... chemo, radiation, surgery, not eating fresh fruit and salads, and various forms of treatment.  Now we're on a bike and my mom is the driver.  Our goal is to just make her comfortable, not necessarily fix something that is wrong.

My brother came home late Tuesday night and discovered my mom standing up alone in the kitchen.  He flipped on the light and guided her back to bed but did not feel comfortable leaving her alone, so he slept in the living room, what an angel.

I woke up around 2 a.m. and was worried to go check on my mom but knew I should.  When I came out I could hear my mom and brother snoring in unison.

5/9- I woke up early and as I walked into the living room, my mom raised both arms up and waved at me. A good sign.  I started taking her vitals and she had definitely improved since Tuesday.  My mom was wanting to walk around and did a few laps around the kitchen.

My dad's cousin's Pam and John arrived from North Carolina and fixed us a great meal.  My mom even ate some of it and some of my step-mother in law's fruit pudding.

5/10- My brother slept in the living room with my mom again and said she had a pretty peaceful night.  Throughout the whole morning, she has slept.  My dad and I were able to convince her to go to the bathroom, but other then that, she's been sleeping.

Just still praying for peace for her.  Thanks for all the love and support we've received.  We've been passing along messages.  She is no longer checking facebook or her blog but we will verbally give her messages as they're sent.

Quick Update

This is Michelle.  My mom still hasn't given me permission to write on her blog, but we've been getting lots of requests for updates.  (She'd probably tell you that I'm going to be in trouble and that when she dies she'll come back and pull my toes.  I'll risk it.)


Thursday (5/3)- My mom was admitted to Norman Regional in order to get a CT scan to check for Superior vena cava.  Her doctor was afraid she had a restriction on her throat.  My mom's neck was extremely swollen and so symptoms appeared to match.  They kept her overnight.


Friday (5/4)- My mom's oncologist, Dr. Thorp came in and mentioned my mom was neutropenic.  That means, her white blood cell count is too low and she is at a great chance for an infection.  If she gets an infection, she has no defenses to fight it.  This was a result of the chemo she had Monday (4/30).  Since my mom had tumors that had been new and growing since she came back from MD Anderson and had started chemo here in Norman (4/9), Dr. Thorp said she felt we were going in the wrong direction and that chemo wasn't the right treatment.  However, there really wasn't any treatment available and Dr. Thorp was sending her home.  Devastating news, obviously.  


We asked if she could travel, the Dr. said no and that anyone who wanted to say goodbye should probably come to visit.  She didn't give us a time frame.


As my mom was being wheeled out she told her transporter he was selfish for being fat and smoking.  She said if he didn't go on a diet one day a week she would come back when she died and pull his toes.  


All of my mom's sister's flew in that night.


Saturday (5/5)- My mom woke up with a 103 fever.  It took my dad and I a little bit of time to get our acts together to realize what was going on, but pretty soon we had our routines with medicine and food and liquids.  Saturday ended up pretty good.  The pastors from our church came and prayed with her, and we spent the rest of the day together.  After everyone left my dad asked my mom what the highlight of her day was, so they got to process their day together.


Sunday (5/6)- My mom started out with a fever again.  She's really out of it when she has a fever.  (So we are starting to realize we need to send her to bed with IB Profen so we can prevent this)  After we got her fever under control, she was more like herself.  I think this is the day she had ice cream for breakfast and dinner.  We all watched her favorite shows together as a big family.  After everyone left this night, she piddled around her kitchen and cleaned her counters down, organized piles.  Only my mom would be bothered by a dirty kitchen.  


Monday (5/7)- I woke up around 7:20 and my mom was already up, changed outfits and washing dishes in the sink.  Crazy, but that's my mom.  She was peppy and energetic even (I think the IB Profen before bed helped as she did not have a fever this day).  This was the last day all her sisters were around.  She did really good but you could tell was a little more tired since she had her energy bursts in the morning.  Everyone left after dinner (and I must compliment the chef, my Uncle Bob made pork tenderloin, creamed spinach and mashed potatoes, yum!)  Around 10 p.m. my mom started having pretty rough coughing spells but seemed under control after some meds and slept soundly.


Tuesday (5/8)- TODAY is my dad's birthday!  My mom is still coughing a lot, and we are keeping the fever at bay with more IB Profen.  A hospice nurse should be stopping by soon while all the boys are out running errands.  More to update you on later, but I wanted to give everyone an update.

Guest Blogging for my Mom

I always feel like a blog has "made it" so to speak in the blogging world when they are popular enough to acquire a guest blogger.  So I'm just helping my mom's blog "make it big" in the blog world I suppose.  I'm sure I'm not doing this how she would, but it's been a long day so bare with me :)

My mom spiked a fever last night, called the emergency line and was immediately prescribed some antibiotics with the understanding that she would check in this morning for a blood check.


As I understand it, she went to her doctor this morning to check in for a blood test and was then sent to the hospital for a CT scan.  (This process took several hours, which she was unable to eat or drink anything, so when I showed up in the timeline she was really feisty.  She complained to the tech doing the scan and he held her hand and comforted her through the whole thing.  A redeeming factor somewhat but she was still super hungry).


The concern is that she's developed severe vena cava.  What the heck does that mean?  I googled it and read from this website.  Who knows if it's helpful or not, it helped me in the moment to read about it.  From what we understand, it could be a tumor pressing on her esophagus preventing her from swallowing and even breathing.  Laying flat last night was one of the worst things she could have done because it prevented her from breathing.  So a sleepless night for my mom and dad.


We are still unsure at this point if her fever is a symptom of this syndrome, or an infection, so she's on antibiotics just in case.


They will be keeping her overnight and she will have a consult with her oncologist in the morning on the CT scan taken today.


She asks for lots and lots of prayers.  Prayers for a good night sleep and for the swelling to go down.


Just to share a quick sweet moment, she had difficulty eating dinner and requested all liquids.  She got cream of chicken soup and boost (like ensure).  Which to me sounded and looked gross.  She looked so excited and was so thankful for it.  Love that she has the most positive perspective always.

And since she always includes pictures.  Here's one of two of her loves at the recent music festival.

Latest update from chemo appointment

I would love nothing more than to report positive news, something for my readers to hang onto specially if they or a love one is going through similar situation, but today that is not the case so back to the reality that I have cancer, that it is in its third mutation, that it is very aggressive and that it is deadly.

My tumors are popping out my body, not common but it happens (of course me), I have about 10 that can be seen/monitored with the necked eye and does not need the assistance of a machine or another person, basically my neck looks like Frankenstein.  So after my first chemo April 9^th, the tumors had stopped growing which was great news but I noticed last Friday a small change and in fact they have started growing.  The plan now is to have a CT scan on May 11^th (since I had my second one yesterday) and plan for chemo every two weeks starting May 14^th for as long as my body and blood can take it, sadly I can tell you that it will not because as it is, I am very weak and having a hard time getting up and down.

Another unfortunate news is that there is a possibility that my loss of voice is caused by a tumor pressing in the voice box.  I am of the opinion not to do surgery that is not for saving my life, but I have the right to change my mind a thousand times.  We will see what the scan shows.

And then as if it was not enough, my doctor basically said that I should not drive again.  I was told by the radiation specialist not to drive for concern on seizures, and now they say that with that and my weakness and some of the medication that I am taking to keep me comfortable are not suitable for someone to drive.  This one hurts because no one wants to lose the little independence that they have at 56, but then again, nothing like have a chuffer…  Oklahoma friends, I need a ride to go shopping.

Well, I was hoping to get a new cute picture of some sort and it does not look like I have anything new so here you will see me and my bald head.

To end on a positive note, mostly because I dislike bad news so with the bad must come the good… Pat and Kathy Byrne (thanks a million Kathy, I love them) bought me some amazing BIG earrings to distract from the baldness, Michelle got me some amazing silk bandanas and head bands, and they make me feel pretty and if I am pretty, the world is pretty.  Another positive influence is that I have my neighbor from Colorado here (Linda Talley) working, working, working in my kitchen preparing food and cleaning, yum, yum.  She leaves tomorrow and will give me a few days to get some paper work done before my sister Lisa arrives next week.

So you see, life is not as bad as I indicated above.  Please feel free to call, I know it is hard to hear me, but I love to hear from all of you.

PS. Remember to pray for my son Michael and if you have time, check my daughters blog 'leach love' to see pictures of my beautiful granddaughter.

Love y’all,

ME

The little things

Sometimes is about the little things that bother you, and then, how silly.  Last night was one of those where there were several little things not making me feel well but not one big one that I could say take this or that and be done.  Well, actually I did start out by taking a pain pill just because I was feeling weird, then another and then still feeling weird I decide to take a deep breath and analyze the situation.

As it turned out, I ate too much between dinner and one of the best cakes I have ever tasted (thank you Mary Ann Dimery), should have waited but didn’t and just flat out pigged out and now I was not feeling well.  The solution an acid indigestion, got better, then a Tums and another Tums and about number 5, problem solved.

Then I had a headache, small one between my eyes, the pain pill wasn’t taking it away, man what to do now, it was the weather pressure, we were getting a storm, a cold water rag did the trick for a while.  Nice.

At the same time my nose was hurting, funny pain I know, but what to do.  Hmmm, nose spray with sailing and humidify the area and problem solved.

By this time, the adrenal gland on the right was acting up, so another pain pill and I slept in the most comfortable recliner chair that we have ‘my throne’. 

Guess what, I am feeling golden today.

So the moral of my story is that when you are faced with an awkward feeling, instead of going for the big guns ‘Pain Killers’, divide and conquer your problem into small pieces to solve the problem.

Love y’all,

ME

Blog, blog, blog…

Well hello there, hope you have a wonderful day, I hope I do to.  So not much to report just can’t sleep and thought you might want to hear about my continued blessing… Or not, but here they are…

A couple of days ago, we had one of the sweetest memorial services for my mother-in-law Alma Louise (Gal) Washburn Keating.  As you read in my prior blogs…. Or not, she passed last Friday and no matter how you plan and prepare, we miss her.  We expected to have about 10 people or so telling stories but my goodness, we have over 30 people paying their respects and I am so glad for her and Pat.  After the service, Pat’s nephew, wife, baby and mother, came home with us and spent the night.  The pictures that you see here are fantastic, AND YES I AM BOLD… specially the one of the two Grandmas’…  Grandma Gal would have been proud of the two beautiful ‘Great Granddaughters’.

You might say okay, but trust me, what a blessed day and so peaceful and beautiful…

Now get this, while here we get a call from some old friends ‘The Nymans’ flying cross country want to stop by for a night and say hello… they were originally friends with my brother-in-law John and his wife Sonia who is at my house, so we had a party and they got to visit too, coincidence?  Hmmm

And get this, tomorrow Friday, my dear friend ‘Kathy Byrne’ is coming for a night to visit, love chatting with her, she makes me laugh…. And that is not all, I got a call from my Colorado old neighbors, Linda and Charlie Talley and they are driving through, he continues to Louisiana and she will stay with me to spoil me, cook for me, and of course make me laugh too.

Okay so if these are not just all blessing, I do not know what else to call them.  My fear is that one day people will stop coming and then what…  Oh my, can’t think of that now.

Two more radiation and that is it for the brain as my body is saturated and can’t get anymore.  Chemo on Monday and then?  Can’t think about that either, if I tolerate this round we might make plans for a trip after Michael’s next court case.  That would be fun.

Love y’all,

ME

So how is your day today?

How will it be tomorrow?  Your choice of course on how you deal with tomorrow, so start that day with a smile.

So today, I started the day with of course radiation and have only this week left and then done.  Right, wrong or indifferent, I have now received the max and any more will poison my body, kind of a sarcastic statement as radiation in itself is poison.  Oh well.

Then mid-afternoon went for the famous ‘Shave the Head’ since yesterday the hair was coming out in clumps.  To be honest, I got sad.  Last time, I decided when I would lose my hair, this time; the decision was made for me….  No matter, I have accepted the fact so now ALL gone. And the good thing is that I do have a pretty hat to wear for the memorial service to my mother-in-law scheduled for tomorrow.

Then what will I be doing tomorrow?  After radiation of course, we are having a small closure service for Alma Louise Keating (Gal).  You know, at 95 and not in such good health, we expected it, but when it happens… it is still very sad.  She was an adorable lady and she was a wonderful mother and my husband Pat loved her very much.  I thank God every day for the way she raised him and in looking at how he took such good care of her the past 5 to 7 years makes me know that I am in the best hands ever.

When tomorrow comes, if you would look up at least once and smile at Gal as she completes her journey to heaven…  That would be nice.

Love y’all

ME

Another Angel

Another Angel…

Alma Louise Washburn Keating (Grandma Gal) passed away in the early hours.  She was Pat’s Mom and the sweetest mother-in-law ever.  To think of her, everyone remembers first and foremost her smile and a very close second ‘the love for her family’.

There are many more things she was known for and just to name a few for giggles:

-        Her laughing at a joke even when she did not really get it

-        Her pies, all her pies and her cakes incredible

-        Not to say the many the cards, if she ever met you once and had your address, you got a card every year for the next 20+ years

-        Pictures, she took pictures of everyone, everything and made copies…  many, many copies

-        She was definitely the glue of the Washburn family staying in touch with each and everyone always

-        One of the most selfless people I ever met, her needs were hardly known because her happiness relied on that of her love ones (including friends)

-        And talking about friends, she had hundreds, you can imagine with her persistence on staying friends with the world via Birthday Cards

-        Now, she was a major pack rat, I found a container full (FULL) of match boxes and each one was labeled with date, who she was with and in some cases what they ate

-        She wrote in her diary every day.  Yup, she documented everything and that is why I know what a Happy woman she was and what a Happy life she had

For those that knew her I am sure you can add many more anecdotes about her and all will be funny because that is who she was.

And although her health at 95 years old was failing in the past few weeks, she will be missed.

Love you Grandma Gal….

Love y’all,

ME

Keep them coming...

How do you describe what the heck is going on around here?  Yes, there are a lot of good people in this world, I happen to know many but how wonderful that it is me who is surrounded by a bunch.

So Monday, we had homemade lasagna made by a beautiful young lady (Nicole Lutz Nickel) who is actually a newlywed and that Pat picked up at a bar.  I had to say it that way to get your interest.  She was a bartender at our favorite Louie’s while going to school.  In any case, another homemade meal tasting great. BLESSING

Brooke Nafarrete is here keeping the boys in check and my house clean and will help organize my junk a bit more.  BLESSING

Our neighbor from back in the days when Pat and I got married here in Norman came by and brought us homemade baked potato soup.  BLESSING

And then, you just will not believe what happened, as I am getting ready to get a bite to eat…

Or did I tell you the bad news?  I lost 6 pounds in 1 week; sign of treatment and cancer so a very bad thing.  I am almost at the wedding weight.  Yikes!!!  So I can’t waist time eating fruit, or low fat yogurt.  Burgers, ice cream, eggs, toast, sloppy joes, pasta, ice cream, calories, ice cream, cheese, did I mention ice cream?  Anyway I have digressed.  NOT A BLESSING

And then, the door bell rings and one of my dearest friends Doctor James Flores (Jim) is standing in my kitchen.  I cried, of course I cried, and then I cried some more.  Jim was originally our family dentist in California over 20 years ago.  We had stayed in touch and lately not so much but prayed for him every day.  His sweet wife read my message on Monday and he hoped on a plain yesterday and here he is, oh my God.  Did I tell you I cried?  BLESSING

My poor children, this time it was Michael who kept the secret, he washed his sheets and cleaned his room and called his aunt Ligia saying I will need to spend the night at your house as another surprise friend is arriving.  You know, I did not know that my family was this good at keeping secrets; actually we are not but boy lately.  BLESSING

What can I say?  Please know that you do NOT have to come see me, your calls and inspiring messages keep a smile on my face, you do not have to buy me gifts or bring food.  Just continue to pray, and when possible stay in touch.  BLESSING

And one more thing, call a brother, sister, nephew, a parent, you know a family member that you are at odds with and say ‘I want you to know that I love you and staying apart will never change that’.  BLESSING

Love y’all,

ME

PS. The best part of my blog is that with one click you can get to my daughter's 'Leachlove' who is an excellent writer.

Rise and smile

So I was going to publish the message below this morning when my internet went down and they called me from the hospital to tell me to come for radiation… bummer.  Anyway, here we go.

Okay so you do not have a reason to smile… do it anyway, it feels good.

We are done with tornadoes for a few days in Oklahoma… reason for joy.

Had lots of company come and go this weekend… reason for joy.

The radiation machine is down… reason for joy (or not but will joy for now).

Had delicious homemade food delivered… reason for joy.

And if this does not make you happy enough to smile then call someone and tell them that you love them and it will put a smile in their face.  Better yet call someone you have not called in a long time… I love surprises.

That is all I have to say for now…

Love y’all,

ME

Cancer and a bit more

A little information on cancer treatment and a bit more

Before I start on ‘educating’ I want to once more thank each one of you for your support, prayers, messages, calls, cards, visits…  Lesson learn, be good because people are watching. YIKES!!!

Now a few things that I assumed people new but realize now that they might not:

   1.     When you have a port and it is flushed it taste HORRIBLE.

   2.     When going through brain radiation, hold your breath or you smell the laser frying your brain.

   3.     When getting a Neulasta shot in a weak body, you hurt like hell for 3 or so days.

   4.     If you do not like to take pills, get over it and take them before you need them… before the symptoms tell you to take them…  This way you are in control.

   5.     Your hair will change, get over it.  Choose hat, scarf, wig or plain boldness and smile.

   6.     Keep your mouth clean, brush often and rinse lots… worst bacteria ever.

7.     No fresh flowers, no fruit or vegetable that can be pilled or boiled to death… second worst bacteria ever.

8.     Have lots of yogurt, watermelon, ice cream, ensure, small bottles of juices, good water, a piece of good dark chocolate handy, sometimes you just need a little something.

9.     When you are feeling good, cook a lot of freezing type food, so dinners are easy (spaghetti sauce, chili, meat loaf, stuff bell peppers) and when this is not doable then get lots of menus from favorite restaurants an call it in.

10.  Love everyone; love hard because that is what will keep you going and laugh, laugh, laugh… just don’t let the tummy ache.

And now I might get corny for some but stay with me:

Love God, you don’t believe in God, no problem…  What do you love?  What do you think makes good?  Call it what you want or don’t but I don’t have a follower or reader who is not good in my eyes and even my angels on earth.  You can’t change how I view you so get over it.

So if my logic is correct and all of you are good, and I think that God is ALL good then like it or not I KNOW YOU BELIEVE.  Now with that concept out of the way, please stay good as I will like to see you in the other side.

PS. Don't forget to read my daughters blog Leach Love that can be found on this screen to the left... she writes better than I do...

Love y’all,

ME

I am so blessed

How do I begin to describe my feelings?  I admit that it is sad that my time here is shorter than I expected.  I have fought and will continue to fight until no more… but God has blessed me in so many other ways.

Most of you know that I am the middle child with six sisters… three older, three younger who are spread throughout the USA. There are a total of 2 nieces and 5 nephews. I also have a wonderful husband, amazing son and the most loving and talented daughter married to an incredible man who together gave me a Queen for granddaughter… Add to this the hundreds of earthly angels called friends… I am so blessed.

This past Friday (Good Friday) happened to be also my birthday.  The day started out with radiation and a visit to the nursing home where my mother-in-law is not doing so well; back home and rest.  Michelle and Pat woke me up and said that my birthday present was too big and if I could come with them to my one sister’s house that lives in town.

There are no words to describe what a most beautiful surprise it was to see ALL my sisters there, they all took time off work, life plus the expense and all and flew here just to be with ME.  Please feel free and safe to click on the link below, warning, it will make you cry.

Front View video:

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Back View video:

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All night I kept counting 1 2 3 4 5 6 yup all here, there really isn’t a word that can describe how I felt that day and the whole weekend as we all were here celebrating my life while we could.

How do I explain the feeling, tell you about my sisters, introduce them to you so you know how significant this is… we are not the hug/kissy type family, we are logical, practical, loving yes but not like this…  all very intelligent and hard workers, actually I am the only normal one. They are all way above me when it comes to brain power and working and life I was the mushy mushy, love, kissy so for them to do this on the spare of the moment just does not happen, specially  because we had just gotten together at the end of January for my mother’s funeral.  Mind you, they had planned this before the news of my situation last week.

Now this is not all, my nephews Hermes and his wife Jill also blessed us with the coming of their baby Allistyn Rose on my birthday, so for years to come this day will be special to all.

I was blessed with a visit from neighbors, some of the Ex-Louie’s girls which melted my heart and blessed by an incredible cocktail party on Saturday given by Paul Ziert and then there was Easter Sunday celebration here at my house with all my family around.  Well the once that were still here.

Another blessing is also you, so many of you and I am not exaggerating when I say hundreds of you have called me, sent me beautiful cards, flowers, messages via the blog, facebook and e-mail of encouragement, of birthday, of how I have influenced you…  My oh my, if I had known I was been watched so closely I probably would have used less bad language… nahhhh.

And my daughter, my personal angel with the most beautiful granddaughter I could ever have.  And my son, here at my side for now and I continue to ask God that he can be free before I go.

And my husband, how can he keep this up caring for all of us and still make me laugh.

 There are so many things I wanted to talk about in this next few weeks but this message deserved a posting of its own.  I am not exaggerating but I truly know that I am one blessed person and all thanks to you all.

Love y’all,

ME

 PS. When you sign my blog as anonymous, can you give me a hint on who you are?  I have some beautiful messages and no clue who my lovely friend is…. Thanks,

Sadly I see the finish line

For those of you who have facebook, this might not be a total surprise. I want to let you family and friends who have been by my side and prayed and sent good vibes that I am sorry to say that the time for me to say good bye is closer than I was hoping and praying for, remember is not that prayer does not work is that sometimes the answer is NO and God must need me up there really really bad because he has heard yours and my prayers and still says I need you.

So to bring you up to date, last week in Houston the doctors indicated that my cancer had spread all throughout the body and that in conjunction with the skin burned so badly it was obvious that the trial was not working so they sent me back home.  On Thursday I met with my oncologist and she noted a concern that an ‘unspecific lesion located in the left cerebellum’, so she recommended that we have a brain scan before starting chemo.  Sadly enough the results are that what looks to be tumors are spread throughout the brain so instead of chemo at this time I went to see the radiation oncologist which said ‘statistically’ if I do this for 14 days and it works, it might buy me 6 months.  So you see, now I see the finish line and I hope that I have six month with no pain or horrible side effects.

Please know every one that my first and foremost prayer is Michael, I ask God a million times a day that I get to see my son free and become a productive member of society so if I am gone and this wish did not come true I ask you all to continue praying for him.

In my heart I worry so much about my family since I took the role of the pillar, in the end they will all be okay but I am worried about their road before they get there so another favor I ask of my friends, if you know any member of my family Pat, Michelle, Michael and my sisters, please give them support, they will tell you they are okay even if they are not so impose yourself upon them because they can use a hug.

I am sorry if I am asking for too much but I picked my friends very carefully and know that each one of you would be happy to help out.

For now is all I can write, honestly I have not stopped crying but will continue to write until I can write no more.

Love y’all,

ME

Reality

Hi there, how is everyone today?  I hope that everyone is doing great on this beautiful spring day.  So, the reality of it all…

When I first was diagnosed with Lung Cancer a couple of years ago, the statistics were only 20% make it beyond the 5 year mark.  I of course believed that I was in that percentage.  After chemo, surgery and radiation we found out that my cancer had mutated and had spread to several places.

Bummer, now the statistics were 6 month to 18 month of life and all depends if I respond to treatment.  This is when I took matters into my own hands and started all the home remedies that everyone and anyone had been telling me about plus medical treatment but needless to say, I did not respond and my cancer grew.  Now I really was in the 6 months left.

I took more drastic measures and headed down to MDAnderson and went through a clinical trial, these pills knock me down to my knees and I was willing to continue to some extent but the burning and itching was a bit much.  I did noticed in the past few days that I had some lumps popping up around my neck, chest, underarm and leg so I kind of knew in my heart that things were not going my way but it still hurts when you hear it from the doctor.  The cancer has really spread, the treatment is not working and there is even a possibility that some of the tumors are breast cancer as well.  Now what…  Well, there plan B is for me to go back to my oncologist here in Norman and go back to chemotherapy of a couple of drugs that I have already had and did not work in the hopes that it keeps the cancer at bay.

This is what my head tells me that she said (in a very sweet voice) nothing we can do go back home.  Anyway, I feel like a pingpong ball so here I am.  My appointment is this coming Thursday and we will see what they have to say.

Reality, sometimes is looking straight at you and you close your eyes not to see it.  I will continue to close my eyes and wait for that miracle that we are praying for but if case God is saying ‘NO, not this time’, I will start getting all my affairs together, we will try to travel and see as many friends as possible before the time comes.

Thank you all for your prayers and support, I do feel them.  I do not respond to them most of the time but I do appreciate them.  My family is the greatest and you are all awesome friends.

Love Y’all,

ME

A day in my shoes

What is it like on a good day? Well, if I slept at least 4 hours then I will be up around 8:00 or so, feed Cosmo, take my pills with a glass of orange juice and if possible eat a piece of toast or a bowl of cereal.  In this kind of days, I should have enough energy and spirit to go into the office and check in my computer, write e-mails, facebook and even some research. 

Once rested and around 10:00, I would then take a shower and if enough energy put on cream all over my body to protect the burned skin…  sometimes I have to lay down between shower and getting dress because I am coughing too much or too tired to keep going.

Usually by 11:00 I am ready to get into my big chair and after I am finished with my prayers I basically stay here until it is time to go to bed.  I will get up here and there but not much as I have used up most of the daily energy and sometimes the bottom of my feet are so burned that it hurts to walk.  Now some days, if I am doing really well, I get to cook dinner or at least get things going, do laundry or dust and clean a shelf or bathroom… those are the really good days.  I look forward to having good days because I feel like I have done something productive.

The not so good days are similar except that after taking my morning pills, I would rest before the shower and then rest before putting the cream on and then go to my chair for the rest of the day.

And then the really good for nothing days, I will get up to take my pills and then go back to bed until about 4:30 and then get up to try to eat something.

But once in a while I can go out, last week we went to visit some Venezuelan friends (the Pradas’) for about an hour and a couple of days ago we went to Louie’s for dinner… Days like those are golden.

I will be going to Houston this weekend for test and to see the doctor, we will see if the trial is working, at least keeping the cancer from growing and decide if it makes sense to continue the trial or go to plan B.  As you know I was pulled off the trial until my skin recovered from the chemical burn caused by the drugs.  I re-started a week and a half ago with reduce dosage on one of the drugs and unfortunately I have noticed that my hands, face and feet are starting to show the burn symptoms again, so maybe this trial is not for me after all.  I will let you know the answer next week.

For those that are following Michaels’ events, the hearing became another postponement as the family of the diseased girl was not able to attend, but a few things did take place that were not so good and we need loads of prayers.  The family presented an impact statement that was definitely against Michael, the judge removed himself from the case (long story) and the probation report although good, can’t recommend probation when there is a fatality so all and all it was not a good day. Tomorrow Friday, Michael goes back to court to get a new judge and date assigned to the case… This is a nightmare.

My dear son, Michael says he ‘Can’t give up yet’, well neither will I…

Love y’all,

ME

I love visitors

I have not been able to go anywhere except for doctors since New Year’s Eve and of course my Mom’s funeral.  So my joy is when I get visitors, even if it is only for a few minutes.

Our dear friends Charlie and Linda stop by as a surprise again and stayed with us one night, short but I’ll take it.  My dear friend Lynne Poppe, who I have not seen in a long time, came to stay with us a few days, I was too sick to really enjoy the company but was glad she was here to keep Pat company.  My sister Betina got tired of me turning down dates to meet for lunch that her and Ricky decided to buy lunch and bring it over, now that was clever.

The other day Gayle and Vel Dimery came for an hour or so and brought us some movies to see and vanilla shake, nice… very nice.  Earlier in the year Katy Wakeham and Rhonda Lundberg came for one night and it was like girls sleep over since the guys were out in California.  Just a few days ago Katy, Dirk and Connor stopped by for dinner as they were doing the college tour, it was nice to have a relaxing evening.  Oops almost forgot to mention that my sisters Leslie and Delia came to visit on their way to Colorado and they stayed and extra day just to spend it with me.  Plus my dear local friends Diana and Maureen who came to visit and we just had some nice conversation.  Life is good.

And of course Michelle brings Maggie over 2 or 3 times a week which makes me so very happy and my dear sister Ligia comes over for a bit every day.

So you see, I love visitors since I can’t go to you, please come to me, and if you can’t then go visit someone that is sick and bored and tell them I sent you.

This week is a big week in court for Michael because is when the judge makes a decision on the charges and of course I want them to agree that this was a terrible accident but not a felony so loads of prayers and good vibes are needed… and if you are in southern California on Friday morning and do not have much to do, they could use your presence in court for moral support.

Love y’all,

Me

It has been a while

Sorry but I have not been feeling well lately and this is the first time in over a week that I have made it into the office and seating by the computer.

The good news is that my dear friend Lynne Poppe just came to visit for about 5 days and it was a joy to see her after so long.

The sad news is that I have been pulled off the trial again as the chemical has created an internal burn that is surfacing through my skin.  I am burned and peeling from every inch of my body and I mean my lips, ears, palm of my hands, bottom of my feet, my rear end and all.  The yogurt baths helped but were not able to keep up with the fire so now I am off the meds and putting on cream all over so we will see what the end result will be.  What I can say right now is that this is terrible, not only it hurts every time I move and my skin touches a surface but it takes almost an hour to wash off the peeling and put on the cream, and that is about all the energy I have on a daily basis.

But not wanting to just share bad news and end in a sad note, Michelle gave Maggie her First Birthday party here on Sunday, February 26^th and it was fantastic.  She did all the decorations, and gifts and oh it was just beautiful and every baby and there were lots, behaved and all had loads of fun.  So my miracle grandbaby is now ONE year old. 

Love y’all,

ME

Pills

Well Hi there,

I bet you were wondering what happened to me since I have not written in a long time.  Well as usual my life is never dull so shortly after my last post Pat and I came down with a pretty bad cold.  Pat is now over it and I am still coughing to the point of running out of air, needless to say I spend most of my day in my fancy chair sleeping or watching old shows.  Pretty exciting life, that is why when I get a surprise visit like from Linda and Charlie from Colorado, it makes my day (or night) so please feel free to come and see me any time.

There are two subjects I want to talk about today, first is my current condition which is not great, but want you to know that I am still not giving up.  If you could see me you would not recognize me, I truly look like a 70 year old lady, my hair is thinned out and no longer grows so the picture you see of little old ladies in a nursing home where they all have the same haircut? Well that is me now, pretty pathetic.  Also my skin, the treatment causes chemical burn so every part of my body and I mean every part of my body has that wrinkle that you get from too much sun, my underarm, my finger tips, even the bottom of my feet.  It use to itch all the time but I have learned to ignore it for the most part… but the skin, boy it sure looks bad.  So don’t cry for me, I can do that myself… I remembered what Randy told me back in the days when I only had to worry about breast cancer, ‘do yogurt baths’, so I have done a couple and will do another one today.  They are not fun but when you are done, you feel like a brand new person.  You get plain yogurt, a small little one will do for one bathing.  You put it all over your body like if it was lotion, trust me, it is cold so you have to be brave and just do it.  Have the bathtub going with warm to hot water; I know I know, I am not a bathtub person myself but no choice here. Get in the tub and lay down the best you can until the water starts getting cold, then shower and Vuala you are done.

This has helped with regenerating my skin but of course taking the medicine every day does not help with keeping my skin looking young…  The reason why I am telling you this is because anyone can do this to help with their skin, especially in the winter when it gets so dry.

Okay now to the next subject, ‘Pill taking’ you MUST drink at least one glass of water with your pills, regardless of what anyone tells you and the main reason is because you want to flush them down to your stomach and not let them stay in your trachea/esophagus/throat for any length of time.  Medicines are to be processed by your stomach and then distributed through your body like any other food/drink.  It has been known that pills with the cute rubber cover might dissolve in your esophagus and after a while might just open a whole in there.  I am not a pill taking person, well… was not a pill taking person and now take over 15 a day but the ones I take for the treatment must be taken really early with a glass of water and wait and hour, you can imagine me getting up ‘REALLY EARLY’ and then taking a full ‘GLASS OF WATER’ … nah, it was not happening and then I started having problems with my pipes going down and that is when I learned the importance of that FULL glass of water with all my pills.  You know me, I give advice and it is your choice to follow or not… this one I would follow.

Well, this has to be all for now because truth be told, typing with raw fingers that crack open like paper cuts ‘hurts’, maybe next time I will have Michelle do the typing.  For now I want to tell you that Michael’s meeting with the parole office went very well, next court date is March 16^th. And for those that are keeping track, our little miracle ‘Miss Maggie’ will be ONE year old this coming Monday… yeah.

Love y’all,

ME

Live or Die

What Mix emotions!!!  I am saddened that my mother is gone but happy she did not suffer.  And really I have not grieved yet as I think of it as if she was visiting another daughter.  It all happened so fast and then all the sisters and people and then all gone… puff, now what?

Ligia and I did what we know best, yesterday Pat made us appetizer/dinner and we had a happy hour together…  Today will be another day.

So here is the thing, where I also have mix emotions.  Mom in reality died because of cancer.  When she was diagnosed just a few months ago, she did not want to go through what I was going through and said no treatment.  Her cancer was less than 1 cm and we all agreed and joked that she would probably die of old age, heart or whatever before that little bit of cancer would get to her.  Did anyone tell us that it was located in a dangers airwave?  No. All along we knew (or thought we knew) that I was to go before Mom.  That thought really bothered her and she said to me many times, I do not want to burry a daughter; as well as many times in the past few years she would say, I am not afraid of dying, I have lived a wonderful life and I am ready to go any time.  So is my will to live keeping me alive and her will to die took her?  Can you really decide when to live and when to die?  My God, if there is any truth to this, please know that I have many things undone and will need another… let’s say 20 years to finish what I started.  Deal?

PS. I want to take this opportunity to thank all of you my friends who have called, sent cards and messages of condolences.  Mom was greater than life and like Michelle said, this is the end of a Dynasty and we are so blessed to have been a part of it.

Love y’all,

ME

Did you know Betty?

If you didn’t meet her you missed out as she was one of the most amazing, unique, entertaining, awesome, happy…   I can go on and on.

Betty was my mother and the mother of my 6 other sisters plus the grandmother of 9 grandchildren and the great grandmother of Maggie the Great.
She had an amazing life, so for her services I wrote the following poem:

MOM

What an incredible mixed of emotions

Sad to see you go
Glad that you got there
Are you Happy Mom?

You lived life to the fullest

You laughed hard at it all
You loved us more than life
What a woman, you were wise

Mom you were awesome

To have had three lives on earth
Who else can claim such victory
But you…. who did it all

As a child you were mischievous  

You were poor and didn’t even know it
You were happy, you were fun
You just wanted to play under the sun 

As a mother you were great

Seven daughters, what can I say
You weren’t the kissing and hugging kind
You were the proud and LOVING one

As a widow, that was hard

You missed Daddy and it was tough
But you lived through it with us,
With a smile and party time

So now is time to say goodbye

Boy it hurts, I’ll miss you lots
You were awesome you were great
You will always be the best

Yesterday we celebrated her life, we have actually been celebrating her life since the night she died and will probably continue to celebrate for a very long time.

We will miss you…   Love you forever.

ME

PS. My test at MDAnderson shows that I am responding to treatment, although the cancer did not shrink, it did not grow either.  So for now, I will continue with the treatment and pray.

A New Day

So here we are and it is a new day, duh each day is a new day, as you can tell by my tone that I am feeling a lot better.  I am still sleeping a lot and my skin is a mess and a few things here and there but for the most part I am ready to continue the fight. Thanks to Randy who was here giving me energy and pocking and whatever he does to have my pains go away or to the side. 

To pick up where we left off –

My liver enzymes were better so I resumed treatment at a lesser dosage. This week I go back to Houston for standard testing plus the CT scan that will tell if the trial is working for me.  I pray that it is as I am running out of options, although they said last time that they have a plan B.

The court hearing for Michael went well but of course no answers or light when this will all be over but for now he has a meeting with probation on Feb. 21^st and next court hearing is March 16^th.

And my Mom, she is doing better today, one day better at a time is all we can ask… although I would love for her to get her sense of humor back…  I miss that.

Attitude will make you or brake you.  I have told my children for ever that a good attitude, a smile, dressing up and looking pretty or smelling good makes you feel good, and when you feel good you attracted happy people.  When you are down, the best remedy is to surround yourself with happy people, I know I know you don’t feel like it but that is because you are down so force yourself to ‘exercise’ and then go out and find happy people. Remember ‘Attitude’, something that you can control…  NICE

Wishing you, my family and I a Happy New Day,

ME

Accident

Can you remember 26? I can because that was the year that I was in loved.  I had found the man of my dreams which I married.  Life was good.

Well today my son Michael turns 26 and he can’t even plan what he will be doing this weekend, it is very sad.  As you all may know, he was in a car accident where his dear friend Mai died.  They had been out to comedy night and celebrating that Mai was leaving for Japan in just a couple of days.  That was Michael’s dream at the time, graduate with a Japanese degree and go to Japan to teach English. He had only one semester left, four classes.

This happened over 18 months ago and his fate is still in the hands of the California judicial system.  You see, in California they do not use the word accident so they have to make sure that he is guilty of something, and while they try to sort this out his life is on hold.  Some people would say, so what, Mai’s life stopped and that is true and it is also true that we can’t change that, that there is nothing that Michael can possibly do to bring back Mai.  We lost a life but does it make sense that the punishment be to destroy another life?   For how long?  How many more lives have to suffer?  I can tell you that Michael has as well as me, his father and sister and really all our family.

So here is what is even more painful, I have terminal cancer and my only wish left is to see my son free.  At one time I thought that I wanted to go to the beach for 3 months, I also hoped to go to Venezuela once more and see my old classmates and friends but none of that matter until this is resolved.

I would love nothing more than for the judicial system to accept that this was an accident and let my son go.

For now, I pray, we pray.  Today I say Happy Birthday son, my birthday wish for you is that this year is better.  And ask for you to pray or think positive thoughts for this Friday, January 13^th when Michael goes to court once again to request the reduction of the charges, just one step closer to ending this nightmare.

Thanks you,

ME

THIS TREATMENT IS KICKING MY BUTT

THIS TREATMENT IS KICKING MY BUTT

So I have not written in a while and I apologize but this treatment is kicking my butt.  And there is a lot going on around here.

My mother, who was diagnosed with lung cancer around October, came down with pneumonia right before Christmas and spent a few days in the hospital.  The main cause is the location of the tumor.  Crazy right?  She has one little tumor and it is located in the airwave to the middle lobe of the right lung.  So my dear mother who is usually strong in personality, who was doing aerobics 3 times a week at the senior citizen center, my Mom who loves a party and a get together is now seating on her chair, with oxygen, unable to care for herself…  crazy right?  And it all happened so fast, cancer really sucks.

I was moving right along with the cancer trial treatment when my face erupted in hives, not the ones that itch but the ones that burn, within two days my face looked like I had stuck it in an ant hill and it really hurt.  Now I have them all over my body and some itch and some hurt, I have one cream for the ones that hurt and one cream for the ones that itch and of course there is always Benadryl.  If this was the only problem I would suck it up but no, my cough which never really went away is back up to full swing so there is cough, cough, breath, cough, cough… again not the only two problems, when I went for my last checkup the blood test showed that my liver enzymes were five times higher than normal so they to pulled me off the trial for one week and then I will have a retest, if all goes well then I will restart the trial but with a lesser dosage.  In the meantime, I sleep, yup that is all I do all day because I do not have energy to do anything else.  I might get a load of laundry here and there but not more than one small chore a day.  And then of course there is also that visit to the emergency room because my temperature was 101.5.  Bottom line, I am falling apart and I do not have the energy to stop it from happening.  God better pull a good one while I still have pieces of myself to pick up and make better.

Please know that I am not giving up although at times I feel like I should, but that it is important for you to know that with cancer, there are weaker moments that really suck and although many of you view me as this very strong person, I am not.  What keeps me going is my family, wanting for Michael’s ordeal to be over with a positive outcome, and all the friends that are counting on me.

On a side note, I wanted to tell you that because we pray and ask God for things is not a guarantee that we will get them.  It also does not mean that he is not listening, sometimes the answer is NO.  Right before Christmas I went to Michelle’s church to listen to a special guest speaker named Alan Vincent (fascinating man), during the ceremony the pastor’s wife asked if she could pray over me and I said yes.  It was a loving prayer and it gave me a sense of comfort.  After the ceremony, Michelle and I along with the pastor’s wife and several other church members approached Alan and ask that he and his wife Eileen pray for me and they did, again I had a feeling of peace.  A few days later, I received a prayer cloth that I was to wear by my adrenal gland for three days.  I truly believed in my heart that I would get another miracle, that this would clear me of cancer.  Sadly it did not but I do not believe that the answer from God is NO; I think that the answer is ‘LATER’.

So with that I say goodbye today and will write again LATER, and don’t forget to exercise like David Haas wrote in the previous post.

Love y’all,

ME